


To Open the Heart

by QuietHurricane



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Does Not Follow Season 3..., F/F, Fluff, Introspection, Some angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-09-29 09:18:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17200811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietHurricane/pseuds/QuietHurricane
Summary: It's the little things mostly (although she will admit that quite a few big things have changed, too) that make it tangible, make her relationship with Alex different than her relationships past. It's the way she finds herself willingly spending more time with Alex, not dreading giving up a few of those rare quiet moments, and the way she finds herself wanting to say those three words earlier than ever before, and so, so much more. She's falling, but maybe falling isn't such a bad thing after all.A series of Maggie-centered one-shots.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the prologue as the one shots are loosely connected through this theme.

This whole thing? This whole  _ being Alex’s girlfriend  _ thing? It is amazing, and scary, and wonderful, and thrilling all at once. It’s slow and paced and gentle, but it’s also fast and a lot like falling, falling, falling into the depths of emotions she’s hidden for so long, a plunge into the great unknown. Because as much as she is the “experienced” one in the relationship, this is all quite new to her, too. There are different types of “experienced” she muses. Because while she is more experienced with dating, with being out and proud, with planning dinners and small romantic gestures, she is not very experienced with other things. She has never, at least not since she was a young girl, worn her heart on her sleeve as openly and with the same level of vulnerability as Alex does each and every day. She’s seen the way Alex is with Kara. Open and loving and caring and just...unafraid of the consequences her heart may face. And while Maggie is used to scheduling dates and making arrangements for little things here and there, she has never been one to carve out boatloads of time. She has never learned how to manage her work life and her personal life in the same way Alex Danvers has. Alex who carves out time for game nights, sister nights, and, before she knows it, girlfriend nights. 

 

It’s a bit like having whiplash, Maggie surmises one night, still early in their relationship, restlessly tossing and turning in her own bed, already missing Alex cuddled into her side. Already missing a little post-it from Alex saying she went for an early morning run and didn’t want to wake her. Or, even better, already missing Alex turning off her alarm and snuggling back into Maggie, not wanting the quiet morning to be over just yet. It’s so different than all her other relationships, and Alex makes her want to do things, be things, that she barred herself from for so long. So, this whole  _ being Alex’s girlfriend  _ thing? Yeah, it’s a lot to get used to for Maggie. 

 

It’s a lot like falling. Or diving, she supposes, head first and without a helmet. Without backup. Without enough intel. All the things Maggie tells the rookie cops not to do. Still, she can’t say she minds it. Well, at least not entirely. There are still things for them to work on, there always will be, she knows enough to say that. But, surprisingly, for the first time in her life, maybe change can be a good thing. Maybe it doesn’t have to be precipitated by god-awful circumstances and feelings of needing to run, run, run until she gets the hell out of dodge. And maybe, just maybe, falling doesn’t have to end in heartbreak. 

 

Because she does have a helmet: she has coping strategies and communication strategies and a support system, too. And she does have backup: She knows Alex is here for her. She knows Kara and J’onn are here, too. Hell, even James and Winn would back her up. And she has intel: her heart and her gut, two things she’s overlooked for far too long. 

 

So, this whole  _ being Alex’s girlfriend  _ thing? It’s starting to make Maggie think there just may be room in her life for hope after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this is a decent start :) Thanks for reading!


	2. Alone Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes I need to go off on my own. I'm not sad. I'm not angry. I'm recharging my batteries." ~ Kristen Butler
> 
> TW: Mentions of unhealthy relationships.

**I.**

She’s worried, in the beginning of their relationship. She’s worried for the obvious reasons—that things are shiny and new and Alex will realize sooner rather than later that Maggie is not enough, that she wants more, that she deserves better (Alex is quick to reassure her on multiple occasions that Maggie is more than enough, that she is worth it, that she is amazing and brilliant and kind and that no one else knows what they’re talking about). But still, she worries. 

 

But she also worries about the little things. Or the not so little things, as her exes have not-so-politely pointed out. When her shift runs long. When she has to reschedule a movie night. When she’s just too exhausted to pick up food and make small talk with the cashier all the while. 

 

Or, what used to make them particularly livid: when Maggie just needed time on her own.  _ I just don’t understand. You work all the damn time and when you finally have a night off, you can’t even grab a drink? I’m not asking for a five-star dinner or an all-night blowout.  _ She shivers slightly, the memory swirling uncomfortably within the confines of her skin.  _ You say you want to spend time together but when we finally get the chance, you bail?  _ She tries to reel in the swirl of emotions.  _ I can’t—just, if you actually cared—whatever, have a nice life. _ Maggie sniffles, holding herself tighter. Maybe if she could just constrict her muscles enough, stop any uncontrolled movements, then she could rein it back in. Control those traitorous emotions and push through a nice evening with Alex who is oh-so-excited about the plans she made for them tonight.

 

But Alex is well, Alex. And while Maggie is a detective (she detects), Alex is a scientist (she observes and hypothesizes). She doesn’t ask, she instead waits for Maggie to say something if she decides to do so. She drops her leather jacket onto the back of the closest chair and tugs gently on Maggie’s cold and slightly trembling hands, leading her toward the sofa and helping her kick off her shoes when given the go-ahead. She tucks Maggie in with the warm, fuzzy blanket she keeps on the back of her couch for Kara, then brushes a few dark locks from Maggie’s eyes. 

 

Whispering, Alex says, “I’m going to go pick up some food. When I get back, I can call Kara and head over there, or even go hang out in my room. There’s not really a door though,” she pauses to chuckle, “so that might not give you the alone time you need.” She waits for Maggie to respond, realizing her girlfriend’s been in a bit of a stupor since she started doting on her. “Does that sound alright?” she prompts gently.

 

Maggie finally nods, slow and lagging. Alex gives her a tiny smile before going on her way, allowing Maggie time to process or sleep or whatever it is she needs right now. 

 

When she finally returns, Maggie is curled up and looks so small, asking quietly, “Why are you doing this?” Alex sets the plate she made for Maggie on the coffee table as her brow furrows. “I ruined our date—”

 

“—Maggie, it’s okay to need time to yourself.” She presses a gentle, lingering kiss to Maggie’s forehead. “I’m going to head to Kara’s, take all the time you need.”

 

“Please don’t,” Maggie asks quietly. “It’s your apartment.”

 

Alex shrugs. “Kara’s place is nice, too.” She shrugs on her jacket. “It’s okay, Maggie, really.”

 

“I think...maybe I won’t need that long.” 

 

Alex tilts her head. “I’m going to go for a walk, maybe find some hot chocolate. I’ll text you? You let me know if and when you’re ready.” She grabs her wallet. “Is that okay?” she asks, carefully assessing Maggie’s eyes. 

 

Maggie nods, eyes misting over slightly. When Alex blows her a teasing kiss, pulling a tiny laugh from deep within Maggie’s chest, Maggie knows this time is different.

 

“Thank you,” she whispers as Alex shuts the door. “Thank you.”

 

**II.**

After that, Alex is quick to offer Maggie the time she needs and remind her that it’s okay to want to be alone. She’s also quick to let her know she’s there, too.

 

But it’s still a shock when Maggie gets off work early, a rarity for sure, no hard case being closed, no deaths, no scares, no I-am-so-devastated-and-need-time-to-process-and-don’t-need-a-witness preempting the early release, and Alex still offers her time. Maggie’s actually happy, so happy, feeling revived and excited to leave before the sun begins to set when Alex offers.

 

“You can still want time to yourself, Mags,” Alex says when Maggie calls, bursting with renewed energy.

 

And then, if possible, Maggie feels a little more full, her heart a little warmer, because Alex really does understand this need, her need to recharge on her own from time to time. “Maybe we can meet up for dinner then?” she asks. 

 

“It’s a date,” Alex says, and Maggie can hear her smile through the phone. 

 

Because even though Alex has the day off, too, she doesn’t have to feel guilty about wanting some time on her own. She knows Alex won’t hold it against her, not in the least.

 

And that? That’s a wonderful feeling indeed.

 

**III.**

“You deserve it,” her Chief says to her one night. A night that comes just on the tail end of two weeks of endless searches, chases, and dead end after dead end. And then, if that wasn’t enough, a thirty-six-hour shift, complete with six hours of talking down the person responsible for this...this tragedy. She was able to talk him down, keep him from hurting any others, but the stress and the pain still radiate deep within her chest. She needs to breathe, wants to be able to breathe, and her Chief just made it that much easier. 

 

She smiles, small and timid, before steeling herself for a confident, “It was a team effort, sir.” Nevertheless, his words still warm her.

 

As she finishes packing her things, right before shrugging on her jacket, she taps out a quick text to Alex. _ “ _ Case closed. Heading out, Chief’s orders ;)”

 

It’s mere seconds before she hears the tell-tale ping alerting her to Alex’s response. “Heard it went well, all things considered. Relax tonight…please.”

 

Maggie smiles just a little bit wider, walking out of the precinct, allowing her loose locks to block her from view, knowing she’s definitely smiling like a dork at her phone right now. Because Alex knows. Alex knows that she cherishes her alone time, it being so fleeting and her having to deal with people all day, every day. And she loves it, she really does, but it sure is draining. To be  _ on  _ all the time. Alex knows, and Alex respects that. She doesn’t make her feel guilty for needing the time.

 

Alex knows that, normally, on a night such as this one, Maggie would go home, maybe take to her heavy bag to make her body too tired to fight sleep any longer (and hope that maybe, just maybe it would numb her brain enough, too), followed by a short, efficient shower, and just a little something to take the edge off. If you had asked her what she was going to do a few months ago, she wouldn’t have said it word for word (she has privacy to maintain, dammit), but she definitely would’ve been thinking it. But now? Now, she doesn’t really want to be alone. Or at least not alone, alone. 

 

She’d rather be with Alex, even if they’re just being alone together. Maybe with some mindless tv show in the background or even just Alex humming as she reads a medical journal. Just something, anything, so that she doesn’t have to think but doesn’t have to feel trapped with her thoughts either. 

 

She begins her walk to Alex’s place, a short ten minutes despite her leisurely pace. “Is it okay if I come over tonight?” 

 

It’s soft and tentative, but Alex follows her well enough. “Of course <3”

  
And when she’s greeted at the door with questioning eyes and tentative arms, she nods quickly, allowing Alex to wrap her in a warm hug. She walks in to see soft light and flickering candles, soothing, so soothing. She finds a bath ready for her to soak off the stress with no expectation of more. And when she’s done rinsing off the bath salts in a quick shower, she finds soft, fluffy towels waiting for her, warm from the dryer with a mug of Sleepy Time tea waiting for her. When she pads out to the living room and sees Alex stretched out with her own mug, lazing with one of her old science textbooks and nothing but soft music playing in the background, she knows, she  _ knows _ , that she will never get tired of this life. And she’ll never take it for granted, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I appreciate your support, kudos, and comments!


	3. Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie is used to fighting--it's a defense mechanism like no other.

Fighting was almost as easy as breathing. At least to Maggie Sawyer. She could cut you down with words like few others. She could chalk fear and anxiety up to unbridled anger, fueling her tendencies to run and self-destruct. It was a pattern. One that protected her time and time again. Except...well, now. 

 

It starts when she rushes out on Valentine’s Day, angry and appalled and utterly wrecked (and so, so very hurt, if she would let herself truly feel, let herself dig deep enough, let herself listen to her pain and her past). And she gets that she’s mad. After all, she told Alex she hated Valentine’s Day. Not the full story, but couldn’t Alex just accept that? It’s obvious...at least to her.

 

Except it isn’t, or it isn’t to Alex. And after she tells her the full story and storms off, Alex gives her space. Space until Maggie sets up her surprise. Space, at least mental space, until they get home and into comfortable clothes and are lounging on the couch. Space. Something she isn’t sure she has ever really gotten, at least not without screaming that she needs it. And Alex apologizes, profusely, for pushing Maggie, for not just listening, not just _knowing_. Enough so that Maggie has to jump in and reassure Alex that she shouldn’t have just “known.” Alex goes on to explain that she had thought it was the “commercial-ness” of it all, never anticipating what bad memories laid underneath.

 

“Not everyone expects trauma, but you know me,” she tries to joke. It falls flat.

 

“You can feel what you feel.” Alex grabs her hands gently. “Didn’t you tell me that?...repeatedly,” Alex sighs in faux exasperation.

 

And the relief Maggie feels? She doesn’t know how she went even a fraction of their time apart not acknowledging the agony that is fighting with her girlfriend.

 

It happens again when they argue over kids. Except this time, Maggie knows. Maggie knows that fighting with Alex is torture—she doesn’t think there’s another world to describe the fear and pain and anger and loneliness that screaming matches with her fiance do to her. She doesn’t know how else to describe how deep tear-laiden confessions and quiet words slash her soul. She wishes there was a better word. But she can’t find one.

 

They’re on the brink of calling it quits, their relationship that is, the screaming match and quiet words combining to make the blows even worse.

 

But her brain somehow finds a way to breach her carefully mastered security, forcing words to fall and tumble out of her mouth without the proper go-ahead, the proper protocol. “I hate fighting with you,” she whispers. It’s quiet, so quiet, but by some miracle, Alex hears her. And Alex’s shoulders slump. And Alex sniffles. And Alex looks at her with fresh tears in her eyes, with heady understanding.

 

“I hate fighting with you, too.”

 

And somehow? Somehow Maggie knows that now they can stop arguing. Now, they can talk. Now, they can plan. Now, they will be okay. Now, they can work it out (and without a doubt, they do).

 

But it isn’t until later, much later, that Maggie realizes that she doesn’t just hate arguing with Alex over the big things; she hates becoming frustrated and upset over the little things, too. When her and Alex argue over who was supposed to take the garbage out because now it’s another week until they can get rid of the smelly, grimy leftovers. When they argue over a case because it’s two a.m. and they’re too old for this shit and can’t a case just be open and shut for once in their lives? The little things, the silly things, that aren’t even real arguments most of the time, they bother her, too.

 

And the old Maggie would have panicked. Would have fought louder and harder. Would have turned the displeasure into a full-on debate. She would have run, she would have hid. She would have come up with excuses, excuses to leave, all because of fear. She would have been utterly terrified to find out how attached she is to Alex, how much she relies on Alex, how much she _needs_ Alex and _wants_ Alex.

 

But the new Maggie? This new Maggie who has been evolving, ever so slightly, ever since she has had unconditional love and tender affection and is practicing more self-care and has ride-or-die family and friends for life and isn’t locking down all her feelings? This Maggie knows that love isn’t a bad thing. It isn’t weakness or a disaster in the making. This Maggie knows she can speak to her wife, her best friend, her confidant and work through her fears. This Maggie knows that she is strong enough to be vulnerable. This Maggie is going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know your thoughts--they make my day!


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